I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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