I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
