I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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