First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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