He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
