That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
