Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
