I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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