i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
