my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
