You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He shit in the fireplace
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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