Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
