I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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