It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
being pregnant is like rehab
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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