Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Are we still banned from the library?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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