oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
