Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
