Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
