I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
