I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm just crazy horny about you
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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