It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
