32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
