forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
