Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
