I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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