Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
