my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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