So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
