i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
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You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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