I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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