i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
