please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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