did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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