I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
