Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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