last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
