they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
