apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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