if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
