hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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