Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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