She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
