I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
