i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
