dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
