Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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