Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
