Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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