you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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