I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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