You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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