Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
