Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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