I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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