She is in my trunk
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
