the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
