new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
