apparently the secret to your success is patron
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
