Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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