tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
