i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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