HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
