Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
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Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
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Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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