i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
