How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
