I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
