So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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