They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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