I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
