I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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